You’re Not Behind. You Were Surviving.

Lainne Love

Nov 27, 2025 — 2 min read

I don’t have a lot of compassion for myself, and, if I’m being honest, that means I don’t always extend compassion to others when it comes to excuses or victimhood. This is both my strength and my struggle.

On the one hand, it has made me resilient. It has instilled in me high standards, endurance, and the ability to persevere. On the other hand, it can make me hard on myself and on others. That’s the paradox I live in: compassion and expectation, survival and growth, tenderness and toughness.

Excuses vs. Explanations

Here’s where I draw a line: I don’t accept excuses. But explanations are different.

Healing, reflection, and integration aren’t excuses; they are essential investments. Surviving hard things often requires moving quickly in the moment. Thriving requires slowing down later, making space to feel the emotions you had to override, and integrating them into wisdom. Both matter. Both are valid.

This is where honesty comes in. You can be honest in a way that builds, or in a way that breaks. You can be honest with kindness, or you can punch people in the face with it. And while I value directness, I also know transformation doesn’t come from shame.

The Survival Timeline

When you grow up in instability, chaos, or trauma, your energy isn’t free to expand. It’s consumed by surviving. You don’t notice that at the time, it feels normal, even invisible. But later, you realize how much of your energy was poured into simply making it through.

Dissociation, scatter, or being called “flaky” are often survival signatures, not character flaws. They are signs of energy spent holding yourself together in environments where safety was never guaranteed.

So when life doesn’t unfold on the same timeline as someone who grew up in stability, it’s not because you’re behind. It’s because you invested differently.

You’re not behind. You were surviving.

From Survival to Safety

Here’s the turning point: survival is not a permanent identity. It’s a stage.

Safety is the threshold. Without safety, you can’t root down. Without rooting, you can’t expand. Without expansion, thriving isn’t possible.

When you finally reach a place of safety, maybe for the first time in your life, it’s not about lateness. It’s about readiness. And that readiness is worth celebrating.

Beyond Survival

Recognizing survival is only the beginning. From there comes responsibility: the responsibility to heal, to build resilience, and to create something different.

Timelines vary. Some move through the stages quickly; others take years. Both are okay. What matters is endurance, grace, and the choice to keep moving forward.

Because survival is not the end of your story. It’s the foundation you rise from.

You’re not behind. You were surviving. And now, you’re responsible for what you create next.

This article was originally published on Medium.